A reflection on Rajab
Writer: Yusra Syed
From: Milton
It was an exceptionally warm June morning. I stood by the kitchen window, gazing out into the backyard.
I had recently placed an order for natural heirloom veggie seeds to start a veggie garden, and could almost already feel the earthy harvest in my hands!
I turned my attention to the current state of the backyard. It lay still, dry, unkempt with yellow patches of dying grass, overrun with thorny weeds.
That morning after breakfast, I sat awhile in silent battle. Feeling lodged in a tight space between overwhelm and encouragement, the way a guava seed lodges uncomfortably between two teeth and refuses to budge.
“Yusra, the heirloom seeds. Think of the home grown veggies. Imagine eating healthy, tayyab, homemade meals.” My inner voice whispered, gently hoisting me out to freedom.
Bismillah.
I tied my running shoes, and headed out to survey the backyard.
Tools and toys lay scattered here and there. Thorns hugged the bottom hem of my abaya as I walked through the weedy plot of land. Squares of patchy yellow grass lifted from the edges, uncovering dry roots.
By the end of day one, the shovels, tiller, rake, weeder and other gardening tools sat neatly in one area of the backyard. The toys, all tidied up and placed in their bins, and random pieces of litter discarded.
The next day, the overgrown lawn was mowed. The grass cuttings went in garden bags for disposal. The garden was starting to look a little presentable.
The following day, it didn’t rain. I sprayed the weeds. One by one, until by the end I think I had sprayed the roots of over 500 thorny weeds. It was exhausting, time consuming, but crucial.
For the following three days, I watched as the weeds slowly wilted, buckled over, and lay flat. Discolored into dark black patches across freshly mowed lawn.
On the fourth day thereafter, I used a hand weeder to uproot and discard the now lifeless weeds. It didnt work at first, for the soil was rock hard, and caked dry underneath. I had to first water the lawn and allow the parched soil to sit, soak, and moisten. That evening, I tried the weeder again and uprooted the weeds. All 500+ of them. The tool has three metal forks at the bottom. You place the sharp side down in the center of the weed, push down, and twist a few times before pulling up. When you pull up, it brings with it the roots and the weed altogether.
The following day, the backyard lay littered with uprooted weeds, and small holes where the weeder had uprooted them. That day I raked the lifeless weeds and their roots into garden bags for disposal.
Shortly after, the lawn basked in a shower of droplets as I hosed water over it, in an attempt to soften the soil for the next day: shoveling.
The days that followed, I worked hard in the heat shoveling away patches of dry grass, and designing the shape of the veggie garden. I shoveled until I had before me a 4 ft by 3 ft rectangular plot of pure dirt and soil. As I dug, I discovered that beneath the dry, caked, lifeless surface lay soft, moist, fertile soil ready to be tilled and used for gardening. سبحان الله
For two days thereafter, it rained and the garden soaked in the pure rainwater.
On the last day, I tilled the soft soil with the tiller, created rows, and readied the garden for the seeds.
The seeds had arrived.
Alhamdulillah.
As I sat at the breakfast table one morning onlooking the backyard, I admired its transformation. How beautiful, well-kept, and healthy it looked, ma sha Allah tabarakAllah.
Then ever so naturally, my focus gently transitioned inside. What is the state of the garden of my heart? I thought. What of the thorny weeds of spiritual illnesses and poor habits which took root unknowingly? What of the clutter in my mind and lack of barakah in my day? What of the parts of the Qur’an and ahadith that I didn’t take care of so they escaped my memory? What of my Huquq ul ‘Ibaad I have fallen short on? What of the skills, strengths, and blessings which I’ve been sitting dormant on instead of using for the Deen?
As Rajab nears, I realize there is much inner work that needs to be tended to. Over the months I have been oblivious to the layers of ران that now suffocates my darkening heart. The ران must be shoveled away, for beneath the dry, caked surface of the heart lies a moist heart. It must be moistened and tilled with reflection (in khalwah) and abundant istighfar, before the seeds of Sha’ban can be sown, and soon harvested as exponential ajr in Ramadan ان شاء الله
How do you till your heart in Rajab, for Ramadan? 
